Don't Banish an Overweight Family Member :

A syndicated journalist who covers parenting issues recently asked me to comment on a question posed by one of her readers. In short, the reader expressed concern (and rightfully so) that her 5-year-old daughter, upon seeing first-hand the hardships her obese 6-year-old female cousin faces each day as described by this mother in painful detail, sometimes will not eat because she does not want to "get fat" like her cousin. Ultimately this mother was asking for advice as to whether or not she should "stop having the cousin over" to play with her daughter.

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The mother of the healthy 5-year-old is obviously well intended in that she has fostered her daughter's healthy lifestyle choices and is sensitive to her daughter's concerns regarding obesity and body image. However well intended, though, this mother's efforts are falling short. Her daughter is in desperate need of direct, one-on-one communication about her cousin's weight problem , as she has clearly internalized the difficulties the cousin is facing.

The daughter obviously recognizes that her cousin is not at a healthy weight, that making poor food choices (both related to quality, quantity and frequency) has helped create the problem, and has personally seen decidedly negative implications of those choices -- the obsessive behavior, the teasing at school and, far worse, the jokes by her own father. It's entirely understandable that an intuitive child will not only recognize these things, but also want to avoid them in her or his own life.

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