Negativity: Don't Even Think of It :

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Life would be much easier if we had perfect control over our thinking -- especially where emotions are concerned. We could quickly forget about the people who make us frustrated or angry and allow disappointments to fade into the past without recriminations.

But in reality, this kind of emotional equanimity is rare. Most of us spend a lot of time thinking about unpleasant feelings and mulling over regrets and resentments. Unfortunately, many of these mental interpretations of our feelings make us feel worse about the situation. What started out as a small hurt or frustration, amplified by a thought process that focuses on pain and anger, may balloon into a major preoccupation.

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You'd rather stop all of these thoughts in their tracks -- but that's much easier said than done. Instead, you're left feeling as if there's something wrong with you: Why can't I just get over it? Why can't I just relax and be happy?

Generally, when you try to squelch one of these distressing trains of thought -- or "just get over it" -- your strenuous efforts to suppress it only make things worse. Research has shown that if we actively try to prevent anxiety-provoking or frightening thoughts, they generally become more powerful and harder to ignore. As a result, mental "fix-it" strategies generally backfire, whether that's trying to deny your unhappiness, avoiding the situations or people that make you anxious or drinking to numb the feelings.

Accepting the negative feelings and learning to distance yourself from the thoughts that amplify them can be a much more effective coping strategy, says psychologist Stephen Hayes of the University of Nevada in Reno. In his book Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, he outlines a number of techniques from cognitive psychology that can help you resist getting lost in painful thoughts. With practice, you can learn to recognize your repetitive thoughts -- and hold them at arm's length.

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