A Lesson in Cholesterol :

I recently visited my doctor, who wanted to go over the results of my blood work taken the previous week. I thought eDiets readers might benefit from a transcript of a recording of that meeting, so here it is.

Doctor: How are you today?

Me: Hey, aren't you supposed to tell me how I am? You're the doctor! Ha ha ha!

Doctor: Yeah, right... I never heard that one before. Is that a tape recorder?

Me: Nope, it's a digital recorder. Get with the 21st Century, doc!

Doctor: You're recording this?

Me: Sure. It's easier than trying to remember what you said later. You don't mind, do you?

Doctor: No, I suppose not. Anyway, I want to go over your lipid profile with you.

Me: My what?

Doctor: Basically, I'm looking at the level of cholesterol and triglycerides in your bloodstream. First of all, your total cholesterol is at 230 milligrams per deciliter. That's borderline high-risk. What do you eat, typically?Me: Oh, you know, burgers, fries, ice cream, pizza with extra cheese and pepperoni, doughnuts, fried chicken... The usual.

Doctor: Good Lord.

Me: What? Is that a lousy diet?

Doctor: Have you been living under a rock for the past 20 years?

Me: As a matter of fact, yes. I was part of a long-term geological research project. Just got above ground last month. Say, can you explain how it is that George Bush is still president? Did they amend the constitution or something?

Doctor: Let's get back to your cholesterol, shall we? Now there are two types of cholesterol that we're concerned with here -- LDL and HDL. LDL is considered "bad," because it carries and deposits cholesterol on the walls of your arteries. This is called "plaque." Plaque can build up over time, causing the arteries to narrow -- that's called atherosclerosis. If they get narrow enough, blood flow to the heart can be cut off, leading to a heart attack. It can have the same effect on the arteries leading to the brain, leading to a stroke. So high cholesterol is generally associated with heart disease and stroke. But it's a little more complicated than that.

Me: Like that's not complicated enough! Will this take much longer?

Doctor: I'm almost done. Now HDL is considered "good" cholesterol, because it removes cholesterol from the arteries and deposits it back in the liver. Now what's actually of greater concern than your overall cholesterol being at 230 is your ratio of LDL to HDL cholesterol.

Me: This is getting complicated.

Doctor: It's not that hard to understand. You should have at least 40 mg/dl of HDL, but you're at only 30. So by dividing your total cholesterol of 230 by your HDL number of 30, we get about 7.6 to 1. You really want that to be less than 5 to 1.

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