Of Boobs and Bras: Making a Clean Breast of It

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Of Boobs and Bras: Making a Clean Breast of It :

Aug 31, 2007

At age 12, my mother dragged me to a store (which stated on the window: Undergarments Are Us”) and pushed my unwilling adolescent chubby arms into a contraption. It had ugly purple-pink fake roses dotted all over the scratchy white lace -- and a peculiar smell.

“Your first bra,” said my dear mama.

“I hate it,” said I.

I’ve loathed bra shopping ever since.

The problem is that I grew. Not like a Playboy Bunny centerfold or Dolly Parton, but more like, um… dare I describe them truthfully? A pair of lop-sided balloons. Not very pretty.

Through the years I’ve tried it all:

So-called “minimizers.” In my experience, trying to stuff “the girls” into a minimizing bra is like attempting to fit a twin-size bed sheet on a queen-size mattress. Not gonna happen without ripping the material -- which happened once, and the sales clerk condescendingly told me, “I think that you would be better off shopping in a store for, ahem, larger sizes.” She also made me pay for the ripped bra, which was made of a weird material that couldn’t even be used as a dust rag.

“Firming” creams and “tightening” lotions. The only thing that shrunk was my bank account. The boobs remained the same size despite numerous magical potion applications.

“Lifting” exercises. My biceps and triceps benefited. The “girls” continued to bounce their way through life.

Finally, after listening to Oprah murmur about considering it someday, I dared to investigate the procedures charmingly known as a “lift” and (less charmingly) a “reduction.”

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The two surgeries differ in their goals, says to Dr. Brent Moelleken, MD, FACS, who is an assistant clinical professor with the Division of Plastic Surgery in UCLA's School of Medicine, has a private practice in Beverly Hills, Calif. and board-certified in plastic surgery and a member of ASPS and ASAPS. “Breast reductions reduce the volume (size) of the breasts," he says. "Breast lifts keep the volume the same, but lift breasts that have drooped.”

Want help deciding whether a breast reduction or breast lift is right for you? Here’s a doctor’s point of view: “If the patient is OK with her size, but has become very droopy, a lift is needed,” Dr. Moelleken says. “If she needs a smaller size as well as a lift, a breast reduction is best. Many doctors advise their patients to have a breast reduction, and then put in a breast implant for “fullness”. We strongly disagree with that philosophy: it is better to use the patient’s own breast tissue as an implant rather than resort to a prosthetic implant whenever possible.”

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