Public Display of Rejection :

I love my husband, and when we are out in public together, I like to hold hands, kiss and sit close to him. My husband thinks that all displays of affection should be confined to the privacy of our home. Is this difference a problem? How do I get him to hold my hand or kiss me in public?

The Love Doctor® Answers:
We all differ in how much affection we are comfortable showing in public. And not surprisingly, the topic of PDAs (public displays of affection) is one that causes conflict for some couples.

One partner is comfortable with kissing, hugging and showing other types of affection in public and the other partner is not. Couples usually find out early in their relationship whether they are compatible or not on this issue, but sometimes we are blind to these sorts of things early on when we are head over heels in love with our partner.

There are several ways you can identify your partner’s comfort level with PDA’s. You can first directly ask your partner what he or she feels is acceptable or appropriate in public. But be prepared: Once you ask your partner, don’t be surprised if you are asked the same question in return! You also can observe how your partner reacts or responds when other people display intimate behaviors in public. Take special care to notice how he or she reacts to the couple in the movie theatre that is all over each other. People who are comfortable showing public displays of affection are also much more likely to be accepting of those who are intimate in public.

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Differences are okay and not detrimental to a relationship. Studies show that you and your husband do not have to hold the same viewpoints or feelings about public displays of affection. What is most important to the health of your relationship is that you communicate your preferences and feelings to each other. And keep in mind that your husband’s display of affection toward you in public is not an indicator of how much he loves you.

Our preferences and comfort levels with showing affection in public develop early in childhood, by watching and observing parents, friends and other family members. Talk to your husband about whether his parents displayed affection in front of him.

How did his parents or other family members show him love? Did they kiss and hug him? Change takes time, but when you are with your husband in public, he should forget about all of the other people around you. I would recommend you go to more intimate, quiet and less crowded places when you are out together.

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