Gossip's Dirty Little Secret :

Need a therapist? Click here to find one in your area.

One hot week in late summer, Jennifer Aniston appeared on the cover of no less than eight magazines. Reports on her divorce from Brad Pitt ranged from sympathetic ("Moving on From Brad") to tactical ("Now It's Full-Scale War") to speculative ("Jen's Secret Meeting With Brad's Mom"). How could one couple's breakup lead to the pointless death of so many trees? The relentless reports seem to be such a waste of time, energy and paper. They are not. Gossip, even celebrity gossip, is far from pointless. It teaches us how to behave, determines our standing in the community, keeps us connected to one another and weeds out liars and cheats. Nearly two-thirds of adult conversation is devoted to people who aren't in the room, which translates to more than two hours a day. Believe it or not, this is not idle chatter. Without indirect evaluations of other people's behavior, society would simply fall apart. "Quiet! Here she comes."

Oscar Wilde once wrote, "There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." The only people who are not the subject of gossip are those at the very bottom of their social world. Luckily, gossip is self-perpetuating: The more people talk about you, the more important you become; and the more important you become, the more people talk about you. When Jessica Coen, editor of the gossip blog Gawker.com, found her picture next to that of party girl Nicole Richie on Page Six of the New York Post, she felt oddly proud. "It's a twisted badge of honor," she says. "On the one hand, they were calling me a two-faced, backstabbing bitch, but on the other hand, I was suddenly worth talking about. The article is on my fridge." For those in the public eye, gossip is crucial. According to Hollywood public relations guru Michael Levine, who has represented stars such as Michael Jackson and Barbra Streisand, there is little shame in gossip if you're a public figure. "You need people to say things, in front of your back and behind your back. The opposite of love is not hate; the opposite of love is apathy," he says. Legendary gossip columnist Liz Smith of the New York Post, author of Dishing, argues that gossip builds fame and legends: "I always say to people when they object to the things that are written about them, 'Accept it as part of your myth.'"

"Who died and made him king?"

Gossip isn't just good for the rich and famous. The middle manager watching over his cadre of cubicles would do well to let people whisper about him, too. Industrial psychologists warn bosses not to be too harsh on underlings who complain about them: Bashing the boss and talking trash about the coach unifies the team. Herb Brooks, coach of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team, led his inexperienced players to gold by making them hate him. Brooks' coaching style was hypercritical and merciless, overworking his players to the point that they vomited blood. He told actor Kurt Russell, who played him in the film Miracle, that the team's contempt for him made them overlook their individual differences and work together. It was the loneliest year of Brooks' life, but he could not afford to be scared of what his players were saying about him. During filming, Russell used the same methods on the young hockey players who starred in the movie. Since they weren't professional actors, Russell felt they needed to build genuine camaraderie on and off the set. He didn't mind letting them grumble about him.

Continue reading »